Of course I got a picture of me doing a teaser at Stonehenge and of course I never posted it because my inner critic found a million things to criticize-variations on “I am too fat”, “look at all those wrinkles”, “what is going on with my hair?”-until the disappointment became too much, so I just set the pictures aside.
But here we are, in the midst of a pandemic, wondering what the future holds for us and, well, all my insecurities seem pretty small. There I was at STONEHENGE and my then 47 year old body could get on the ground and do a teaser, and I am worried about a little thigh jiggle? What is wrong with me?
I am a perfectionist. I refuse to see anything but the flaws I perceive and tell myself if I just work a little harder, I can erase them. I am so afraid of being negatively judged, I hesitate from celebrating my accomplishments.
I suspect what is wrong with me is also wrong with a lot of you as well. Isn’t it exhausting and, frankly,stupid in the grand scheme of things? Wouldn’t you accept another five pounds or crow’s feet if it meant getting to travel to far flung spots around the globe?
If this pandemic has taught us anything, is that no one really cares what you look like, so get out there and live your life and take adventure when it comes your way.
Balance
We are rarely still. We are constantly bombarded with stimuli and many of us believe we must always be doing something, we do not allow ourselves moments of stillness or the opportunity to just be. Then we move and are shocked when we find one shoulder is more flexible or one leg is stronger or something is just so much harder on one side than it is on the other. We live asymmetrical lives, but are surprised to find that reflected in our bodies.
One of the many reasons I love Pilates is that it forces me to accept my imbalances and allows me the opportunity to find the stillness in the center of all the movement.
Half-Lotus
This aspect of Shiva is his personification as the supreme or the ultimate awareness, understanding and knowledge. Perhaps it is no surprise he is seated in a half-lotus (figure four) pose as this targets glutes, deep rotators (including piriformis), and hamstrings as well the psoas and abdominal muscles.
I used to hate this position as it makes me very aware of the the inflexibility in my hips. Every time I visit it, I have to battle with my ego. Yes, I was able to do full lotus as a child, but I lost the ability somewhere between the ages of nine and seventeen. It's hard for me to refrain from beating myself up for not maintaining the agility of childhood, and it becomes easy to dwell on how awful those years of adolescence were for me. So a big part of this exercise is about grieving for all the losses I experienced, forgiving myself for my perceived failures, and reconciling myself to the process of aging. It's still a work in progress. Wisdom, like strength and flexibility, doesn't happen overnight, it comes from constant practice, it happens in fits and starts. But we keep coming back to the mat in the hopes, so that, over time, through the process of accepting ourselves and embracing our flaws, we will find ourselves wiser, in addition to stronger and more flexible.
Under Construction
I have gotten out of the habit of blogging, but I had one for many years. While I am figuring out what I want to do with this section of the website, you can go read it over at alimum.blogspot.com